I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
