YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
