suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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