I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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