I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
