Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
