did you get engaged???
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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