i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
