I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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