tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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