Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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