accomplished twins. life is a go
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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