i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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