You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
