remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
