Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
