i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So squirting runs in the family.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
