My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
my liver is dry heaving
Everclear isn't food dammit
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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