So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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