I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You took a bar mat shot.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
