We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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