May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
