Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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