I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
