Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
