I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
