dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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