Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
