And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
