She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
