im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize