she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
