she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
we're making bets on your personal life
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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