a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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