it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
