You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
