And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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