we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
