i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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