He asked to "fluff my boner.."
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
