I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
