I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
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He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
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He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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