she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
