Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i think we sleep fucked last night...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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