i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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