next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
