don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
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not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
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He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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