Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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