the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
