At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
