worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
