oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
