i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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