so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
FUCK WHALES
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
