NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
