Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
