eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
