a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
