you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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