true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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