Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
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I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
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and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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