you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
