Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
