ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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