You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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