i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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